I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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