Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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