DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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