people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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