Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
