I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
