so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
