What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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