FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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