yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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