I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
