So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
