I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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