it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
