My Higher Power is John Stamos
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
