I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
