Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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