R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
