People in love make me want to vomit
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
