My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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