I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
