My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
