As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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