Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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