All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
did you just send me my own nude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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