i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
