i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
