I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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