Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
