let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
