we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
