This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
