I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
