between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
