He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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