First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
