She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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