And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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