...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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