What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
