Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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