But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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