Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
