and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
