She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
