they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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