Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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