I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
