i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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