I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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