im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
