she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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