Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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