I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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