The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
