there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
