Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
