the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
