dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
