I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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